1. |
I Don't Wanna Die
00:49
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2. |
I Wanna Go
05:03
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I don't know where I'm going,
but I've stalled inside my mind.
And I know that I can't stay...
Absurdly called away.
Why?
Must I crave meaning if existing is inherently absurd?
I wanna go back there now x3
Time will do me wrong.
I wanna go back there now x 3
Death will cut me off.
Life holds no ambition,
when I'm beaten down inside my mind...
So why write when no one listens
to any part of my songs?
Why?
This craving hunger that can never seem to be controlled.
I wanna go back there now x3
Time will do me wrong.
I wanna go back there now x 3
Death will cut me off.
I wanna go back there now x3
I'm sick of all my flaws.
I wanna go back there now x 3
Death will cut me off.
I was in my own head though.
I was in my own head though.
(I was in my own head though)
The riverbed where we would run in hopes we'd see it soon break through.
(I was in my own head though)
And coming home to sadness then to play unhindered in my room.
(I was in my own head though)
The body cold, my cousins tears perplexed me (in some dull mood)
(I was in my own head though)
The spectre of a loved ones ghost would never ruin the cartoon.
(I was in my own head though)
Yet wake in fright from rapture dreams to run into my parents room.
Well I was in my own head though...
I was in my own head though.
Been caught up in my own head though.
I was in my own head though :(
credits
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3. |
Kallan
05:55
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How wretched are the schemes
I plan within my home
hemmed in twixt the walls my mind once set in stone
Much more hurt I’ve wrought from building up this hope
the failure to see past myself means I just cannot cope
Try imagine where you’ll be when you die
Will you live to see yourself ill-defined
By all those you’ve never quite known
When, fearing your inevitable end
You fear you’re broken and you just cannot mend
You’re controlled by the super ego
To always feel like there is nothing
left to offer or soon to find
its rather pointless to fight the urges
the unhinged madness within my mind
And yet still here I am, aware of all my flaws
poisoned in a gutter I am crawling on all fours
this black tar turns my heart though I fight with all I own
Sown seeds of ill repute in truth have left me here dethroned
Try imagine where you’ll be when you die
Will you live to see yourself ill-defined
By all those you’ve never quite known
When, fearing your inevitable end
You fear you’re broken and you just cannot mend
You’re controlled by the super ego
Like, A stranger in the shroud of the night
Certain flashes I sporadically sight
Of A Man who I just do not know
Faced with eyes that quite resemble my own
see a weakness which I’m coming to know
Is gaining all control of my soul.
To always feel like there is nothing
left to offer or soon to find
its rather pointless to fight the urges
the unhinged madness within my mind
to always feel like there is nothing
left to offer or soon to find
its rather pointless to fight the urges
the unhinged sadness of kallans mind
PART 2
To always feel like there is nothing
left to offer or soon to find
its rather pointless to fight the urges
the unhinged madness within the mind
A growing sadness
and clouded judgement
were but I strengthened
might take my mind
one must imagine that night filled mountain
is scaled in gladness each time in kind
sin has poisoned all the goodness
all truth now faded - once well defined
now in the greyness i fight the urges
of restrained madness within my mind
to seek the comfort
of lives uncovered
shared in kindness would seem advised
but I can’t fight the fear of failing
to bridge the distance
between two lives
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4. |
Prelude
00:37
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5. |
Interlude
12:29
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I swear you'll see me
On the other side
cus I don't want my hope to die
And maybe it's a lie
to pretend i'm in control
when my transience leaves me cold.
I'm a man and yet, there's no understanding it
Rhyme and reason fade away
While my hope fades to grey.
And settling down won't save my soul
It's just acceptance that I'm growing old
Emboldened by the truth, in the futility of youth.
You find someone cute, say “i could wait for death with you”
I don't mean to be grim, and try giving glory to him
But i'm fallible, following fools to a fall.
So I stall.
I build up walls.
Won't let none in.
Cus I can't begin
To drop the act.
To admit a lack.
Of humility is driving me,
further down into sin.
Verse 2
I'm hopelessly devoted
To the thought i'm both loathed and loved
I fear approval from one who lives above
I know it's ego, I try to slow it
But it leads I follow and I dont know where it's going
everytime I seem to fall back in self love
it's with the idea of me not who I have become
Chorus
So I run
Pretend I've begun
a blessed path
to elude death's grasp
and when I claim,
all my beliefs are sane
somewhere inside
though it hides
is my desire to never die
So I feed
On eternity
to convince myself
all pain is a wealth
Of development
in a fiction lent
credibility
oh by he who authors my discontent
BREAK
Well some fear this (fear this)
they must confess (please forgive me father, I have sinned)
pray to elude
the void which consumes
our pure black hearts (black as tar)
in varying parts
well all of us have to trust
the meaning that we choose to make our own
“To be alone and aimless at this time
in life, well it would seem to me,
a tad bit reckless son, surely you might soon learn how to concede?
recurrent nightly dreams of failing
imperfect as I am I've taken
mental steps to prepare to rest my bested heart
in the end alone and I know
but could I concede
“You say your brain is wholly broken but I'm
sure that there's nothing such amiss
When wed you'd daily gain, why live in fear of any transient bliss?”
even if I were soon thus inspired
what kind of man would place all his desire
above the love and hope of one whom could not know
the depth of
my depravity?
“What meaning can there be to find but
in the eyes of young you've made, and still
in learning how to grow and live, you might soon come to see in which yourself?”
I'd wile the years away in time
and come to spawn a child who might
resent me for all the flaws I fight and despite this love still I die
I cannot fail to fail
“I think you've overthought it all, and so
have learnt to err and stall
in life you must take risks, or else in time you'll wind up dead for nought”
I'll die for nought, either way
but I confess to fearing failure
and somewhere yet a stark refusal
to forego purity for lust alone
testifies that I may still hold some hope here for love
“Valued and beloved, we are gathered here,” he claims,
“to celebrate the union, of whom let none estrange”
Smiling; in her beauty: find comfort which won't stay
as my estimated value leads me to dismay
And dismay to disillusion, doubt dawns on me anew
now standing at the pulpit left wishing to eschew
this fling a fitful passion
her eyes they do not err
mine stay dull and quite unfocused
while my soul it weeps and stirs
“my failure ever looming, my love contains no worth
all I am is this delusion: I make misery from mirth”
so I stall
I build up walls
wont let none in
cus I can't begin
to drop the act
admit a lack of
humility is driving me
further down into sin
Her smile has slowly faded,
from fear which made its mark
I run now to the fig tree
left mute by all the paths
Her tears can naught but haunt me
the gasp across the crowd
called henceforth from my memory
That sense of sun upon my brow
A life lived long and lonely
Should surely be my end
Spent never really knowing
What any of this meant
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6. |
Either/Or
04:40
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All the greed of men combined
Cannot be compared to mine
To note the thoughts of all my pride
A sea of ink would soon run dry
Despite the sum of knowledge gained
With faiths demise, my joy decays.
Chorus
I seek to comprehend, that which has no end
But when I trust myself, my feeble mind is inadequate
Faith in a sense, helps one to accept
Fears just so immense, my feeble mind cannot hope to transcend
V2
The perceived joy of all my friends combined
Swiftly broken, this heart resigns
PRECHORUS
Led to fear, when it cannot find
much hope in life, with death in mind.
CHORUS 2
Understanding fails, where blind faith might prevail
In calming all the doubt, my feeble mind can't seem to shut out
When reason is employed, I'm left naked before the void
And while some may carry on, I fear that I'll jump in before too long.
BRIDGE
I've been spat out of the mouth
Refuse to concede I've any doubt.
As hoisted, right upon upon my brow
A face once joyful, resentment's has turned sour... resentment has turned sour
CHORUS 3
To place my hope in God, my lifetime must be fraught
With a humility, I fear cannot ever be born
Aesthetic at the core, I can't avoid lukewarm..
And all that I possess, is a mind deeply consumed with either/or.
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7. |
I Don't Know
07:31
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Kallan Phillips Perth, Australia
Producer and singer songwriter from Geraldton, Australia.
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