I swear you'll see me
On the other side
cus I don't want my hope to die

And maybe it's a lie
to pretend i'm in control
when my transience leaves me cold.

I'm a man and yet, there's no understanding it
Rhyme and reason fade away
While my hope fades to grey.

And settling down won't save my soul
It's just acceptance that I'm growing old
Emboldened by the truth, in the futility of youth.
You find someone cute, say “i could wait for death with you”

I don't mean to be grim, and try giving glory to him
But i'm fallible, following fools to a fall.

So I stall.
I build up walls.
Won't let none in.
Cus I can't begin

To drop the act.
To admit a lack.
Of humility is driving me,
further down into sin.

Verse 2
I'm hopelessly devoted
To the thought i'm both loathed and loved
I fear approval from one who lives above

I know it's ego, I try to slow it
But it leads I follow and I dont know where it's going
everytime I seem to fall back in self love
it's with the idea of me not who I have become

Chorus
So I run
Pretend I've begun
a blessed path
to elude death's grasp

and when I claim,
all my beliefs are sane
somewhere inside
though it hides
is my desire to never die

So I feed
On eternity
to convince myself
all pain is a wealth

Of development
in a fiction lent
credibility
oh by he who authors my discontent

BREAK

Well some fear this (fear this)
they must confess (please forgive me father, I have sinned)
pray to elude
the void which consumes

our pure black hearts (black as tar)
in varying parts
well all of us have to trust
the meaning that we choose to make our own


“To be alone and aimless at this time
in life, well it would seem to me,
a tad bit reckless son, surely you might soon learn how to concede?

recurrent nightly dreams of failing
imperfect as I am I've taken
mental steps to prepare to rest my bested heart
in the end alone and I know
but could I concede

“You say your brain is wholly broken but I'm
sure that there's nothing such amiss
When wed you'd daily gain, why live in fear of any transient bliss?”

even if I were soon thus inspired
what kind of man would place all his desire
above the love and hope of one whom could not know
the depth of
my depravity?

“What meaning can there be to find but
in the eyes of young you've made, and still
in learning how to grow and live, you might soon come to see in which yourself?”

I'd wile the years away in time
and come to spawn a child who might
resent me for all the flaws I fight and despite this love still I die
I cannot fail to fail

“I think you've overthought it all, and so
have learnt to err and stall
in life you must take risks, or else in time you'll wind up dead for nought”

I'll die for nought, either way
but I confess to fearing failure
and somewhere yet a stark refusal
to forego purity for lust alone
testifies that I may still hold some hope here for love

“Valued and beloved, we are gathered here,” he claims,
“to celebrate the union, of whom let none estrange”
Smiling; in her beauty: find comfort which won't stay
as my estimated value leads me to dismay

And dismay to disillusion, doubt dawns on me anew
now standing at the pulpit left wishing to eschew
this fling a fitful passion
her eyes they do not err
mine stay dull and quite unfocused
while my soul it weeps and stirs

“my failure ever looming, my love contains no worth
all I am is this delusion: I make misery from mirth”

so I stall
I build up walls
wont let none in
cus I can't begin
to drop the act
admit a lack of
humility is driving me
further down into sin

Her smile has slowly faded,
from fear which made its mark
I run now to the fig tree
left mute by all the paths

Her tears can naught but haunt me
the gasp across the crowd
called henceforth from my memory
That sense of sun upon my brow

A life lived long and lonely
Should surely be my end
Spent never really knowing
What any of this meant